How long until work will drive me insane?

Don't care about my boring weekend? Fine. I invite you all to try my nuts.

I hit the two new megahyped outdoor-themed shopping centers here in Richmond this week - the Stony Point Fashion Park and the Short Pump Mall. Egads.

The Short Pump Mall is my favorite of the two by far. I was impressed by how busy it didn't feel. Tons of people there, but a lot of open space to move around in. Nice. It's going to be a good place to shop when it gets colder out so even less people make the trip.

We ducked into Richmond's first California Pizza Kitchen for a bite (did I ever mention I'm a pizza addict?). I made the comment that it's amazing how I've lived in Richmond for almost a decade and can still go to places like this with tons of people and never run into anybody I know. Richmond really isn't that big of a town, is it?

Then we hopped down to the Stony Point Fashion Park and guess what - I ran into someone I knew. I've ran into her twice at random places now. That verges on the supernatural for me. (Did I ever mention I'm practically a hermit outside of work?)

I like that kid. She's a cool person. My positivity toward her is probably a little lopsided, but c'est la vie. Not everyone can recognize my overwhelming genius and supercoolness for what it is. Still, any girl who'd chase me down at lunch so she could show me her new action figure gets a thumbs up.

Anyhoo, the Stony Point Fashion Park has a name I should've taken a little more literally. Clothing stores everywhere and not really anything I was interested in. Considering that I'm 31 years old and still wear velcro tennis shoes, fashion is not really that high on my life's priority list.

I seem to have painted myself into a corner. (Well, a few of them, but we're only discussing one today.) I've let work take over too much of my life. It's not like I'm a workaholic - truth be told, with long lunches and coming in a little late here and there I usually don't even put in a full 40 hours - but it's my only source of stimulation. My home life is quiet and relaxing like I prefer it to be. I think I need a little friction, but that only works for me as an abstract concept. I'm quick to stamp out any real friction that pops up. I think I need some more activity, but again that only works as an abstract concept. I'm really good at finding reasons not to do things, but I can't seem to find a reason to actually do anything at all. Everything sucks, but doing nothing sucks sometimes too.

For example, look at me right now. I have today off. I don't want to sit around the house doing nothing all day. But fuck, the only thing worse than doing nothing is going out and doing something. I'm so pathetic. I lack any motiviation to do anything whatsoever. That would be fine, but unfortunately I'm self-aware enough to recognize that fact and almost smart enough to know it's bad. I care enough to feel bad about it but not enough to do anything about it. Dull, sad and moronic.

Somebody say somethin bout gettin farred up?

It's that time again. That time of year where the busy season starts to creep in at work and I give up my life for a few months. (Not that I had much of one to start with.) Less time for goofing off online and doing meaningful stuff for the site as well.

But I'll still have more of a life than Anthony Durante (better known as Pitbull # 2 in ECW) has. He's the latest wrestling death. Man, the celebs have been dropping like flies recently.

I caught the UFC PPV tonight. With a houseguest. My first in about five years. Does that kill my hermit status? Anyway, it was brutal and fun. I remain a total neophyte with MMA, but I'm cool with that. I might order the next PRIDE event to check it out.

StormClad Radio this week features the full album The Sea from The Tiger Lillies.

God fucked up this time.

Look - you can have Charles Bronson and Warren Zevon and John Ritter and even Johnny Cash. I accept that. But listen up, chinstrap: YOU DO NOT FUCKING TAKE CAPTAIN FUCKING MURPHY! It is unacceptable. He was probably my favorite current tv character. Alas, we will receive no more of his wisdom. Jehova, you will perish. Gods? There can be only none!

Isabel was entertaining.

StormClad Radio has been updated. Not much of a quantity this time, but judging by my SoulSeek activity it's something a lot of people are interested in. It's the new Tiamat album Prey in its entirety.

Sniff you jerks later.

What's a human?

Imagine there's this rat in a maze. Only it's not a typical maze. When the rat begins his quest for the cheese, there's a straight line between him and the cheese. He could walk straight to it. But he doesn't do it. He goes into the maze and through its corridors. Now maybe he doesn't believe that's really cheese up there. Maybe he wants to take the long way around just to make sure there's no better cheese in the catacombs. Maybe he's just too stupid to notice. But it's there within view.

The walls of this maze are glass, so he can see the cheese at all times. And at all times, there's a path straight from wherever he is right to the cheese. There are even other rats with cheese on their breaths telling the rat to go up and get it. He won't listen. It's part mistrust, part ego, part optimism, part a lot of things. But he believes his cheese is to be found elsewhere in the maze.

The time he takes to run around the maze in a futile effort to find something that isn't there hardens him. The quest becomes more important than the goal. He can't allow himself to realize that or the futility of his story will be too embarassing and perhaps too much to bear.

Maybe he'll die without ever getting that cheese. Maybe he'll eventually wise up and take what he always knew was there. Because there isn't another piece of cheese in this maze. There's just the one. It's not a particularly tantalizing or mouth-watering piece of cheese but it's the only game in town. The looking was admirable, but he'd be well served to throw in the towel and see the cheese for what it is.

Rats don't have to be particularly smart or particularly dumb to find it. They don't have to run down every path in the maze they come across just to see what's there. They don't have to use every ounce of their guile to figure out where it's hidden and drive themselves mad in the process. They just have to follow their nose.

They might disagree, but they still go hungry while others are full. That's their choice and their right. What does it matter? There's nothing wrong with living their lives in the maze, but it ain't necessary. All they seek is in plain view.

(This is it. This is all there is. You have to remember this. This is all there is. -- Tindersticks)

Johnny Cash bit the dust this week, as I'm sure you all know. I really liked some of his stuff, although I like some of the music he influenced even more. As a tribute to him, StormClad Radio this week will be stocked full of his stuff as well as other country bands that have some of The Darkness™ in them. I'm still in the process of uploading at the moment, but it'll be up in a few...

The radio station playlist was updated Saturday night. Did I tell you that? No.

The potential funeral I spoke of last week has come and gone. My quick jaunt to WV for the event has left me forever scarred. As I told my sister, I'm going to completely erase this week from my memory. There was something very wrong about the whole thing.

There were people there that I hadn't seen in fifteen years or more. The majority of them have not been in my sight for at least ten years. I cannot believe how much they've all aged. There are some the same age as me that I spent the most time with growing up. Now they have children. Multiple children. That's surreal. In my mind, I have this image of them being anywhere from 10-15 years old. Every time I think of them, they're always that age. But then to see them in the flesh looking so old and ragged and worn-down is sad. The youthful vibrance is gone and replaced by this person that I don't know. Good god. When my cousin tells me, "Here, meet my youngest. She's nine." he may as well be showing me the space alien he captured in his back yard. What the hell is with this reproducing bullshit? I know people do it, but not my people.

Of course, I couldn't be more wrong about that. These are some baby-making people. What else is there to do in WV? That still doesn't make it right, but there you go. My grandmother had 37 grandchildren. Thirty-fucking-seven. They didn't even bother to count all the great-grandchildren. That's a busy bunch of folks.

During the ceremony, the preacher spoke the words about the departed:

This woman had so many children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Just look on this side of the room. There is her legacy. This is a woman who built something that will last. These people are her contribution to the world.

As I looked around at us, I had to stifle laughter. This is her legacy, eh? Yes, let's look at us. I don't think I've ever seen a bigger group of fat, depressed failures in all my life. Here is her legacy - a bunch of fucking losers devoid of success, of happiness, of intelligence and even of rudimentary fashion sense. What a sad bunch. It's a wonder more of us haven't put guns in our mouths yet. (Oh well. Just pop out another baby and try not to think about it.)

But as I thought those things about them, I realized that I felt more kinship to them than I ever have. They are ruined shells of their former selves like I am and they don't know how to deal with it either. But I'm resolved not to turn to booze, drugs or spawn to relieve the pain. Just give me the pain straight. I prefer it that way.

I left the funeral parlor with one last image of my grandmother. I'm going to try to hold onto that one. It was a picture of her that I had never seen before. She was a young lady, so it must've been in the 1940s. She had long dark hair, deep red lips and pale skin. (Like music to my ears!) She was beautiful. Never in my life had I seen her that young and never in my life had I pictured her as anything but a bitter, meddling old lady trying to drive you toward The Lerd. But that photo - she looked so pretty and pleasant. That's a face with promise. That's a face I would've taken a second glance at. I rather like that image. I'll try to think of her like that instead of as this intrusive crusader for Jeebus.

But that begs the question - if we didn't get our ugliness from her, where did it come from?? I now will look at my grandfather with a suspicious eye...

I also paid a visit to my other grandmother. She is in her 80s, I believe, but still going strong. She's changed the least out of everyone. She still looks pretty much like she looked all my life. Her movements are a little slower, but she's as sharp as ever and not a bad looking lady for her age. (I've complemented both of my grandmothers on their looks in a single update. There is definitely something wrong with me.) Her husband (my grandfather) passed away about 12 years ago. They were the one steady, positive, loving influence in my childhood. They were never judgemental and never made me feel anything less than special. I miss both of them being together and I'm terribly saddened that Meli never got to meet him. They would have liked each other.

Other notes about the trip: The burial was at a remote site on the top of a mountain. The hearse was a 4WD SUV. Even the hearse couldn't make it all the way to the actual site, so she had to be carried uphill. When digging the grave, they hit limestone about eight inches in. That's some fun digging......I had a hot dog from Tom's Hot Dogs in Oak Hill. Best goddamn hot dogs ever. I always have to get one when I'm back home......My uncle, ever the mature one, made farting noises at me during the funeral. I like that guy......Saw another uncle that I haven't seen since the 80s. He's actually the one that gave me my first metal record, Ozzy Osbourne's Speak Of The Devil. He doesn't know what he started!......Had to run into the grocery store for a couple things and ran into my best friend from high school (whom I still talk to online). Ten years in Richmond and I never run into anybody I know. There's almost nobody here I'd want to run into. That really sucks......It's a little strange when you have to look left or right to see the clouds instead of up......I can't believe the level of service down there. Even at minimum-wage fast food restaurants they treat you great. But then, I'm from Richmond. I get excited if the workers even speak to me......The hotel I stayed at encouraged people to bring their dogs and even kept a bulletin board up in the lobby where people could post pictures of them......The local paper featured a coupon from a septic tank cleaning company good for one free quart of bacteria. Who wouldn't want a free quart of bacteria? Think of the possibilities!......I also saw a former college for sale. 50,000 square feet with a gymnasium, auditorium, theater, etc. I'm talking a real fucking college here. Six acres of land. Humongous. Only $595,000. Amazing. I need to take up donations and start the StormClad Academy! Females only, naturally.

I haven't had a chance to update the StormClad Radio playlist yet, but hope to get to that later today. Definitely before the weekend is out.